Now Is The Winter Of Our Discontent
by BiteMeTechie
Summary: An ice age has descended upon Gotham City, leaving the two most unlikely people in the world to huddle together for warmth...and hating every second of it.


I came across this nifty DC character scenario generator. Factor in a lot of rereading Bright Nova's stuff and voila! A flood of Batfic drabble/one shot ideas popping into my head...most of them _totally_ wrong on _every_ level, like the following. Originally, I was going to write a series of unconnected drabbles, but I...well, I don't know why, but this one decided it wanted to stand on it's own.

Word Count: 657

Prompt: Poison Ivy having to huddle with someone to conserve body heat

Forgive me, DC, for I have _seriously _sinned against canon...

-

The snow fluttered down in huge feathery flakes, lodging themselves in her hair, where they stuck and froze, standing out in stark contrast to the bright red.

An ice age had descended upon Gotham city...hell, on the whole _world_. For once, Batman and his costumed cronies had failed to save the day.

Clutching her shoulders with her gloved hands, staring at the man on the ground in front of her who was covered in blankets and had a small space heater set up next to him, Poison Ivy found herself wishing for once that the good guys had triumphed.

It had happened so quickly...no one even had time to seek shelter; the snow just started in a torrent of unyielding white and was four feet high within half an hour, leaving Ivy to walk the streets in search of somewhere warm to stay until the snow stopped.

The warehouse was the first place she'd come across that she could get into and it was _just_ her luck that it was occupied.

"I'd rather _die_," Ivy said, teeth chattering violently as she stood in the doorway of the warehouse, staring at the tenant with contempt.

"Keep it up Red and you just _might_," he replied jovially from beneath his inviting stack of blankets.

The Joker, just as mad as ever, but with a sense of self preservation that marginally outweighed his insanity, patted the spot next to him, "C'mon, Red...we can cuuuuuuddle."

Her emerald eyes flashed dangerously. "When hell freezes over," she snapped, still shaking in the cold but refusing to let it bother her.

"But it _has_." The purple clad man gestured around himself, the cold, miserable conditions seeming to add to the theatricality of his actions, "There's just you, me and this tundra, doll...no one will see you canoodling with the Clown Prince."

"Why bother?" she asked, the chill in her flesh trying to force her into taking his offer, "It's only delaying the inevitable."

"Maybe so," he grinned that eerie grin that made her feel ill, "But I'd rather die later than sooner, don't you agree?"

"And if we live through this?"

"If? Did I hear you say _if_? Shall I take this to mean that you lack faith in our ability to survive?"

"Pessimists are rarely disappointed."

"But occasionally pleasantly surprised," he pointed out, "Come now, Red...a few hours of snuggling with the most charming criminal mastermind in town can't be so horrible that you're willing to _die_ to avoid it."

Ivy pondered for a moment, worrying her chapped bottom lip between her teeth.

The decision was made for her when a clump of snow fell from above the doorway of the warehouse and slid down her back, making her jump towards the Joker involuntarily.

He wiggled his brow suggestively, "Eager, are we?"

She glared at him, "When we get out of this-"

"So now it's _when_ and not _if_, eh? I _knew_ my boundless optimism would rub off on you."

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll _kill_ you," she said snippily.

Ivy got down on the floor as gracefully as possible and slipped beneath the thick blankets, trying to avoid touching him but finding it was impossible to do if she wanted to get under the pile of heavy cloth for maximum warmth.

She scooted closer to him, hating herself for it every millimeter of the way, until they were sitting mere inches from each other.

"Isn't this cozy?" The Joker asked, slinging an arm over Ivy's shoulders and bringing her as close as humanly possible without her ending up in his lap, "Just you and me and the bright glow of the space heater...it's almost _romantic_, don't you think?"

She turned to look at him hatefully, "The second I can feel my fingers again, I'm going to throttle you."

His smile got a little bit wider, "I wouldn't have it any other way, Red...I wouldn't have it _any_ other way."

--

A/N: I've never written Joker _or_ Ivy before, so this is probably _horribly_ out of character. My original intention was for it to be a short drabble, but it...well, it did what all of my fics do: it _evolved_. Personally, I've always adored the dynamic between Ivy and Joker, and it doesn't get _nearly_ enough attention in fan fiction.

Actually, this is the first fic in the Batman category that has them listed as the main characters...I smell untapped fic potential.


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